Let’s be real… becoming a stay-at-home mom is tough, especially when all you know is working a full time job your whole adult life. It’s a whole identity shift I didn’t see coming. It is definitely everything I thought it would be, but it is also everything I never thought it would be. A lot of the time, I feel like my day-to-day life is complete chaos. Sometimes I find myself missing the routine and structure we had to our day when I worked full time. I thought staying home with my daughter, Averie, was going to be all rainbows and butterflies.
BOY WAS I WRONG…
The first month or so was great. We played outside almost everyday and stuck to a basic daily routine, which wasn’t too hard since we had a decent routine in place already. My toddler took a regularly scheduled nap everyday, and slept on her own through the night. Things were good. But I got pregnant with my son immediately after I started staying home with Averie. My energy levels plummeted, and I truly believe that set the tone for me as a new SAHM.
After the first month or so, I became exhausted and in those beginning days of pregnancy, it was hard for me to get out of bed and stay awake, let alone muster any energy for my toddler. It was sad. I felt terrible and SO guilty that I physically couldn’t be my best for my daughter half of the time, and days like that continued to happen on and off throughout my entire pregnancy. Our days went from being active, fun, and structured to uneventful, boring, and scattered. I found myself doing whatever was easiest just to get through the day. Yeah, sometimes that meant the tv was on all day. Oops. I suffered from pregnancy rage, which I didn’t even realize until the end of my third trimester. I did not experience this during my first pregnancy, and my husband, bless him, took the brunt of all of it.
When I tell you I IMMEDIATELY felt relief when my son was delivered, I am not kidding. I felt like the rage literally evaporated faster than I realized it was there. I could breathe again, literally, and it was like I was a completely different person. In that moment, I realized how angry I had been and felt so horrible for how I had interacted with my husband for the last 9 months. But when my son was placed on my chest and I knew everything was ok.
Once my son, Watson, was born, things got a little more interesting and a lot more stressful. I never truly felt like I had enough time with Averie before getting pregnant and having Watson. Now, here I was with a newborn and a toddler, feeling overwhelmed and like I was not cut out to be a SAHM.
Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different had I not gotten pregnant right away. Maybe if I had more time with just Averie I would’ve felt more sure of myself by the time Watson was born. Averie was just getting to that “easy” stage when I started staying home with her. She was pretty predictable, and it wasn’t hard to keep her busy. Then, after Watson was born, she stopped napping during the day, and doesn’t sleep on her own at night anymore. Her schedule became very challenging, and ultimately fell apart, even though I tried to make adjustments. Naps for her are hit or miss and the only thing resembling any kind of schedule with her now is that her bedtime is still 8 o’clock.
Now she needs to be doing 10 different things all at the same time and still has endless amounts of energy. It wasn’t until Watson turned 8 months old that I felt like things were FINALLY getting a little easier. Up until that point in time, my days all ran together. I was up at all hours of the day and night with Watson, and entertaining Averie all day, every day. There were no breaks.
It has taken time, and an extreme amount of patience and grace. I’m still learning how to lovingly and patiently parent my kids. Most days it is really trying, but EVERY DAY is worth it. Being a SAHM has been so fulfilling, exciting, and eye opening, but, at times, it’s also been very isolating, and socially challenging. The lack of adult interaction sent me into a brief spiral, and I felt like I would fail doing this every day. I lost motivation and creativity and it became really hard to do anything. Dealing with the mental and emotional demands of a toddler AND a newborn 24/7 is exhausting.
I let myself get wrapped up in caring for my kids and slowly stopped taking any time for myself. I go out with the girls every now and then, when we all can make time. I talk to my friends every day and I see my family often. But I started feeling really alone. Most days I still feel that way. I’m still learning how to make time for myself, while being attentive to my children, taking care of the household, managing the finances, running errands, and figuring out what I want for myself and my family. It’s lonely and draining and it feels like there is ALWAYS something that needs to be done. Something or someone constantly needs my attention, and that leaves little to no time for myself.
My life now is anything but perfect, but being able to raise my children, to teach and watch them experience and learn new things, to see my son crawl and pull himself up for the first time, and hear his first words are things no parent should miss. I am very fortunate to be able to stay home with my children. Sometimes I forget to be grateful because the little unimportant things just have a way of outshining all of the good things. Becoming a SAHM was a huge life transition for me, and most days it’s not easy to find time for myself, but self care is SO important. It’s so easy to get bogged down by all the responsibilities and demanding phases of a toddler and an infant.
I created this FREE daily planner and tracker to help keep me going even on the longest and most difficult days. It’s been really helpful to use something that has a little bit of everything I need to keep myself in check everyday, and reminds me to set aside some time for myself, even if it’s only 20 minutes. My favorite part is the weekly recap because I like to sit down and reflect on the week. It helps me see everything I accomplished, as a whole, and sets me up for success for the next week every time!
I have been so blessed to be able to grow with and nurture my children over the last 2 years, but I have struggled with finding a good balance caring for my family and caring for myself. I’m still figuring that part out, and that’s ok. My day to day is fast paced and constantly changing, but that just means I need to remember to also make myself a priority. Sure, some days are harder than others, and sometimes it feels like all the days are hard, but that doesn’t mean I should be at the bottom of my priority list. I decided it’s time I start finding and focusing on the good things, instead of letting the inconvenient and small things get in the way. I want to make sure my children are thriving, while also making more time for myself.
If you feel burnt out or isolated like I do, and are looking for motivation to change your situation, please know you have the power within yourself to do so. Whatever your situation, whatever season of life you’re in, wherever you are, I hope you feel motivated and inspired to take the next step, whatever it may be.
Remember… you ARE a priority too, and you’ve got this!
Don’t forget to grab your FREE daily planner and tracker here!
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